So guy phones me up, mystery number, asks if I have a Windows computer. I say yes. He says they are phoning all Windows users to do a security check. You know where this is going…
I interrupt his script to suggest that is a daunting task, with there being something like 2 billion Windows computers. I express genuine interest in the logistics, asking him about his staff levels, work hours and management team.
Trying to stay on track, he quickly says they have 10,000 staff working around the clock.
I act impressed, but suggest that this seems hardly enough, as each of the 10,000 people would need to make 250 calls a day each to get to all the Windows computer users within a three-year timeframe. That is only if they are lucky enough to get everyone the first try: what about the people they miss the first time, and need to call back? Or need to call back more than once? That must at least double the number of calls needed.
Starting to feel trapped, he said something about them working very hard…
I assured him I beleive he did, but what do they do about the database problem? How to keep track of calls made by 10,000 staff, and to keep track of the people who may buy a windows computer during the three years it takes to get through all the users.
He started to get itchy now. And went back to his first question: did I have a Windows computer?
Then it occurred to me that he was asking IF I had a windows computer, which leads me to believe they are making up the database as they go along. Aye Carumba! What are they thinking!?! They need to call everyone on Earth, hoping to catch the 2 billion with Windows computers!
He suggested these things were management’s problem, not his. Pretty creative response, if you ask me. But I was more undaunted than he.
I then asked if the 10,000 included management, because that just makes the numbers worse. I started to compliment him on the astounding task he and his massive team have undertaken. Then started asking how they manage the language problem, as the majority of Windows computer owners likely don’t speak English. Were there, I suggested, some sort of regional language teams, and how many languages do the 10,000 staff speak?
I had him going on this line for about 5 minutes before he hung up.
Never got my security check…